Jungle Parody
by ScorpioGirl1987
Summary: COMPLETE An abridged version of The Jungle Book 2. Follow Mowgli and Baloo and their friends as they go through some crazy times such as cliches, pop culture references, and a hint of sarcasm! Rated for swearing. Characters may be OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**I know a lot of people don't like The Jungle Book 2, and somehow, I can't blame them. Soooooo I came up with an abridged version of it.**

**I don't own The Jungle Book (damn!). It belongs to Disney.**

* * *

Our story begins a while after the first Jungle Book movie. Mowgli now knows how to speak perfect...human, and is a little older. He presents a puppet show to the villigars, which is the closest thing to a "Previously on..." segment that Disney has ever gotten in a sequel.

"...So there I was minding my own business when Shere Khan the tiger attacks me!" Mowgli was interpreting his story using paper silohuotte puppets behind a thin sheet in front of a long torch of fire. Ranjan, an upbeat younger, more hyper version of Mowgli (Complete with a loincloth...which Mowgli also wears...even though he's been in the man-village for "a while" now), attacks the sheet pretending it's really Shere Khan.

"RAWR! I'MMA BURN YOUR BUTT, SHERE KHAN!"

Shanti, the girl who lured Mowgli into the village at the end of the first film (who also traded her pigtails and purple tube dress for a braid down her back and a white t-shirt and a long blue skirt) laughed at Ranjan's antics.

Mowgli just smiled. "Well, you know the rest."

"Yep!" Piped up Ranjan. "Shanti the siren lured you into our village!"

Shanti scoffed. "I'm so _not_ a siren!"

"Then why did you lure me into your village?" Mowgli winked.

"Because...uh..." Shanti struggled for the right word.

"_You think I'm gorgeous. You wanna date me. You wanna kiss me. Love me, and marry me_." Mowgli sang teasingly. He and Ranjan laughed, and Shanti glared at the two boys.

"I'd rather stick pins in my eyes." She stated.

Ranjan's father and Mowgli's adopted father- aka Blackbeard- walked over to the trio and spoke to Mowgli and Shanti. "All right, stop flirting, you two. It's time for bed.?"

"We're not flirting..." Shanti grumbled.

So, while Blackbeard and Mrs. Blackbeard prepared to put Ranjan to bed, things were a little awkward between Mowgli and his adopted father, despite how quickly he became attached to Baloo.

XX

The next day, Mowgli and Ranjan plotted to scare Shanti by saying that Shere Khan is looking for Mowgli to kill him for revenge.

"Sure. Right." Shanti rolled heer eyes. "Tigers just come waltzing through villages looking forfr revenge. What's next? A singing bear?"

Mowgli raised his index finger. "Actually..."

Shanti groaned. "I've heard enough of this!" She stormed off.

Mowgli shrugged. "What'd I do?"

XX

Later, Shanti ranted about Mowgli to Ranjan. "...Not only is he a bad influence, but he's wild, too laid back, and..."

"Cute?" Ranjan smirked.

"Yes!" Shanti's eyes widened as a she realized what she just said. "I-I mean, no! God no! He's ugly, stupid, and..."

"You don't like him." Ranjan guessed.

"I do like him! As a friend." Shanti answered.

"Well, it's good to see that you still like me, at least." Shanti jumped and turned around to see Mowgli standing behind her holding the urn Shanti was going to fill with water. "You left this at the river.

Shanti sighed and took the urn from him. "Well, you're polite. I'll give you that."

"So....does this mean you'll come to the jungle with me?" Mowgli asked.

"Don't push your luck." Shanti said. "The jungle is a dangerous and scary place."

"Hey, the only thing that's dangerous about it is Shere Khan." Mowgli rolled his eyes. "Allow me to explain...through song!"

Mowgli, Ranjan, and some of the village kids sang about the jungle and made animal sounds. Shanti eventually gave in and joijned the fun until Mowgli started leading them to the river that lead to the jungle.

"Hey, when did we get stepping stones across the river?" Asked a random village kid.

"Ah, who caes?" Replied another. "It's a sequel!"

Shanti then realizes what Mowgli was planning and yelled for him to stop, which attracts Blackbeard's attention.

"What the hell, Mowgli?! I thought I told you not to cross the river!" Blackbeard scolded. Then he set the foundation for all of the Lion King references in this film. "You deliberately disobeyed me! You are confined in your room without dinner!"

Mowgli then glared at Shanti. "I hate you so much right now."

XX

Later, Mowgli sulked in his room singing quietly and missing Baloo (wow- and after only two days of knowing him, too.)

XXX

Speaking of Baloo, let's check up on him!

While Baloo (who has a different color fur and a voice actor who would probably make Phil Harris die laughing, since he hardly sounds like him) sings a remix of The Bare Necessities, he makes a cliche- I mean poor replacement for Mowgli with a weed, a coconut, and a banana peel.

"I think I saw a porno like this once..." Bagheera muttered.

Baloo gave up when the coconut didn't talk. "Oh, forget it. It's not the same!"

Bagheera sighed. "He's just not getting over-" He realized that Baloo ran off. "Dammit, Baloo!" He ran after Baloo, and what timing, too (hey, that rhymed!)! Because Shere Khan appeared at the scene.

"REVENGE!"

XXX

Baloo started sneaking off to the village and used a bush as a disguise. A bird tried to land on h9im, but Baloo swatted it away, pissing it off, and causing it to fly to Bagheera.

"I'll show that damned sloth bear to swat me away!" The bird declared.

"Thanks. I owe you one!" Bagheera then chased after Baloo. "Baloo! Stop!"

"What? It's not like I'm committing a crime!" Baloo protested.

"So? You're still risking Mowgli's life by trying to take him from the man-village!" Bagheera pointed out. "You do know that Shere Khan still wants to kill him, right?"

"Yeah, so? We beat Shere Khan once. We'll do it agqin!" Baloo marched across the log over the river. Bagheera kjumped in front of him.

"Don't. You. Dare."

"Out of the way, Baggy!"

"Bite me, Baloo!" Bagheera glared at Baloo. "You are not going anywhere near the-" He somehow crashed through the log into the river. "-VILLAGE!"

"Well, that worked out better than I thought!" Baloo continued across the log but was stopped by Colonel Hathi's herd.

"...Oh, crap on a cracker."

Bagheera came up in front of Baloo. "Try getting past us, now!"

Baloo just shrugged. "Okay." He then dived into the river.

"Dammit!" Bagheera yelled. "Search the water!"

As the elephants searched the water, Hathi and Bagheera conversed- much to Bagheera's horror- on the log which breaks in half and sends both the panther and the elephant into the river. One of Hathi's soldiers plucked Bagheera out of the water by his tail.

"Ahahaha! I struck gold!" He exclaimed. "Hey, how can you fit into a panther costume, Baloo?"

"It's me, you big idiot!" Bagheera snapped.

The elephant glared at Bagheera. "Just for that, you're not gonna be in the movie for the next twenty minutes." He threw Bagheera into the trees.

"DAMMIIIIIT!" Bagheera yelled.

XXX

Shere Khan padded through the jungle and ran into the vultures from the first film.

"Hey, look! It's Shere Khan!" Exclaimed one of the vultures.

"You mean Shit Khan!" Lucky, the new member of the group exclaimed. He laughed. "Seriously- he got defeated by forty pounds of scrawny man cub!" They laughed. Shere Kham simmered and continued padding towards the village.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? This is my first Jungle Book fanfic, so I hope I got the characters right. Even though I know that they're OOC in this fic.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the wait, guys! Since there's only gonna be like two or three more chapters, I'ma update most of them tonight, 'kay? Great.**

* * *

So, Mowgli was being emo, and sitting on his windowsill one night when he hears sounds. He sneaks outside to check them out. Since the viewers see Shere Khan heading into the village, we think it's Shere Khan that Mowgli heard sneaking around. However...

"Baloo! Holy crap, it's you!" Mowgli exclaimed. They had a happy reunion and started play-fighting.

Meanwhile, Shanti went to Mowgli's bedroom window with food, apologizingf to mowqgli, not knowing that he wasn't in his room, and that Shere Khan was behind her, also waiting for Mowgli.

"Mowgl8i, come on! I know you're mad at me, but it co8uld be worse!" Shanti said. Then she heard Mowgli yell out and went to investigate...and got the crap scared out of her when she saw Baloo playing with Mowgli. Shanti freaked out and called for help, despite Mowgli telling her the other day that he made friends with a bear...

Shanti screaming freaked Baloo out, so he carried Mowgli off thinking that he was saving Mowgli and himself, and causing Shanti to think Mowgli was being kidnapped. Shere Khan chased after Baloo and Mowgli, but the villagers saw him and chased him.

Too bad they didn't kill him. However, if they did kill Shere Khan, this movie would be shorter.

ANYWAY...

Ranjan saw Shanti running after Mowgli, despite her fear of the jungle (Wow. She must really care about him!), with a torch (and surprisingly didn't burn anything), and ran after her.

XXX

"Damn! That village was freaking insane!" Baloo exclaimed as he carried Mowgli on his shoulders through the jungle. "Is it always like that?"

"All the time! The village sucks. It's all work and no play!" Mowgli ranted "It's like a damned horror movie!"

Baloo shuddered. "Oooh! Good thing I got you away from that place!"

"You said it!" Mowgli agreed. "Shanti's even worse."

"Shanti? Ohhhh...that siren that lured you to the village in the first place." Baloo shook his head. "I so knew she was trouble."

"Yeah/. So what now?"

"Now..." Baloo pumped his fists excitedly. "LET'S SING A MODERNIZED VERSION OF THE BARE NECCESSITIES!"

Mowgli also pumped his fists. "OKAY!"

Kaa noticed Mowgli and tries and fails to eat him. Surprisingly, neither Mowgli or Baloo notice the snake, who ended up hit by a branch, pummeled by a rock, and pricked with prickly pears. He went somewhere to peel those pears off and is almost burnt by Shanti.

"Oooooh, I'll KILL that..." Kaa stopped when he noticed Shanti. "...Snack!" He chuckled. He then turned to the camera. "Good thing I ain't human, or this would've been a very dark movie!"

Shanti, who was attacked by bats, and scared by an owl stopped when she saw Kaa, who started hypnotizing her.

"Now...stand on this rock so I can rape- I MEAN eat you..." Kaa opened his mouth wide...and accidentally fell on the rock Shanti was standing on.

"RANJAN TO THE RESCUE!" Ranjan shouted. He started beating Kaa up. "DIE, SNAKE, DIE!"

"What the hell, Ranjan?" Shanti pulled Ranjan away from Kaa. "What are you doing here?"

"Helping you find Mowgli." Ranjan replied simply. He scared Kaa and caused him to fall off the cliffside and into the coconut trees below.

"...Okay, I'm taking you back to the village." Shanti started pulled Ranjan towards the village, but Ranjan pulls away.

"But Shanti! This is where heroes are born! This could be our big chance! Our finest hour!"

"Or final hour." Shanti raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, Mowgli's in trouble! We are gonna find him!" Ranjan declared.

Shanti sighed and gave in. "Fine. But stay close! Danger could be lurking behind every rock."

"...You just made another Lion King reference.,.."

"Oh, hush."

XXX

"Ugh....this night can't g4et any worse..." Kaa groaned as he lifted himself up from the pile of coconuts.

"Oh, I seriously doubt that." Shere Khan replied, smiling.

Kaa gasped in horror. "...Hi, Shere Khan, What's up?"

"Ohh, just looking for the man cub Mowgli." Shere Khan grabbed Kaa's neck. "Now...where is he?"

Kaa started sweating. "I don't know. I...I..." Shere Khan pinned him down and started scratching his neck.

"You're gonna tell me what I want to know. It's just a question of how much you want it to hurt." Shere Khan threatened.

Kaa's eyes widened and he gulped. "Uh...uh...the swamp! He's in the swamp!" Proving that torture does not work no matter what the military, the government, or Jack Bauer say.

"He better be, or I will cuuuutttt youuuuu."

XXX

The next morning, the sun was shining bright, birds were chirping, bees were humming-

RECORD SCRATCH

"Excuse me. But I seem to remember being a major character in the first movie!" Bagheera exclaimed angrilly. "I'm feeling a little ignored here! I haven't even told anyone about how I rescued a family of water rats from a hyena,, or rescuing a baby songbird from a fire!"

...Oh, right. Time to reintroduce Bagyheera to the story.

"Thank you." Bagheera said.

Suddenly, a college aged...dog/human walked up to Bagheera and gave him a remote trigger. "Here. This will give you attention."

"...Who the hell are you?"

"Bradley Uppercrust the third." He answered.

"...I think you're in the wrong sequel..."

"Soooo? I WANT ATTENTION!" He started crying hysterically.

Bagheera started backing away slowly. "...O...kay, then..."

Kovu, from The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride walked in randomly. "...Hey, this isn't my home!"

"Quite right. This isn't your movie, either!" Bagheera said. "What is it with people from sequels showing up?"

Gazeem from Aladdin and the King of Thieves showed up. "No idea."

"...I'm gonna run away now..." Bagheera sprints off and runs into the Jungle Patrol.

"MAN YOUR STATIONS! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! TAKE COVER!" Hathi yelled. He picks up Bagheera with his tusks, and the Jungle Patrol jam into a cave.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Bagheera asked Hathi.

"Man is in the jungle!"

Blackbeard and his friends walk on by yelling for Mowgli. Bagheera puts two and two together.

"Oh. My. God!" Bagheera seethed. "Baloo, you son of a...!"

XXX

Meanwhile, Baloo and Mowgli hung out and ate mangoes. Mowgli obviously has a crush on Shanti, since he always talks about her.

"Sounds to me, like you're in love with her." Baloo raised an eyebrow.

"I am not in love with her!"

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Baloo pointed out. He sees Bagheera, gasps, and hides Mowgli behind him. "He-hey, Bagheera! What's up?"

"My blood pressure." Bagheera said with controlled anger. "Guess what? Man is in the jungle."

"Oh. Er...what do they want?"

"I'll give you a hint: starts with an 'M'."

Baloo was confused. "...Money?"

"No, you big palooka! They're looking for Mowgli!" Bagheera spat out. "Now where is he?"

Baloo just shrugged. "In the jungle, I suppose. Unless he went back to the village."

Bagheera grew more suspicious and looked around. "Hmmm. I just wish I knew where he was."

"Sorry, Baggy. Can't help you there. Wish I could."

Bagheera glared at Baloo. "I know he's around here somewhere." He turned towards the trees. "And he can't hide forever!"

"He won't get past you, Baggy." Baloo grinned innocently. He waited until Bagheera left and sighed in relief.

"Wow. The whole village is looking for me?" Mowgli was aghast. "I thought they were mad..."

Baloo frantically gathers up food. "Yeah. We gotta hide!"

"I wonder if Shanti is with them..." Mowgli thought aloud.

"What the hell? You definitely don't want HER to find you!"

"You're right! But if she does, you wouldn't mind scaring her off, would ya?"

"Nope! It would be my pleasure!" Baloo said happily.

"Thanks." Mowgli climbed up Baloo's shoulders, and they walked off.

"...So, how do you scare someone off, again?"

* * *

**Hahahaha! I couldn't resist adding references to other Disney sequels! XD Bradley Uppercrust III is from An Extremely Goofy Movie, in case you don't know.**


	3. Chapter 3

**...Ok, so I didn't end up updating last night. Sorry about that. Change of plans and all that.**

* * *

"Okay, so...we left the village, crossed the river, then went right. No, I mean left! NO WAIT, left, then right. GAAH! This jungle looks the same to me!"

While Shanti tried to figure out which way to go next, Ranjan was playing around with mango0 skins.

"Ranjan! Stop playing with swirly mango skins and help me find Mowgli!" Shanti scolded. "Wait...swirly mango skins? OH MY GOD HE WAS HERE! ...Or some animal with really sharp claws..."

"I thought _all _animals had sharp claws?"

"Oh, shut up!"

XXX

Shere Khan looked through the swamp and realized that Kaa lied to him. "Damn that snake! He is so gonna get it when I get my hands on him..."

"Awwww, what's the matter, Khanny boy?" Luxcky flew down to him, laughing. "Man-cub got your tongue? Ha! You can't even track down a man-cub! In fact, you don't even know that he's right here in the jungle, heading down river with a bear!"

The other vultures tried to quiet down Lucky and t4rtied to tell Shere Khan he was lying, but Shere Khan saw through that.

"Okay. Thanks for the information." Shere Khan shrugged and padded off.

Lucky grabbed Shere Khan's tail. "Hey, where's the fire?"

"I KEEL YOU!" Shere Khan strangled him.

XXX

Meanwhile, Baloo showed Mowgli a secret hideout, which happened to be King Louie's palace.

"What happened to King Louie?" Mowgli asked.

"Louis Prima's widow is a selfish bitch and threatened to sue Disney if they include King Louie in any Jungle Book media." Baloo replied simply.

"...Okay, then!"

Baloo and the animals then sang a combination of "Under The Sea" from The Little Mermaid and "YMCA" by The Village People. After that, the monkeys asked about the man village. Baloo took the liberty of explaining.

"The man village sucks. It's like "the Shining over there! There's even this girl, who I'm pretty sure is a siren. You know what I'm saying? But that doesn't matter, 'cause Mowgli's never going back there again! Ain't that so, kid?"

_'Wow. That sounds worse when he says it.'_ Mowgli thought with a look of horror on his face._ ''Oh well. Time to run away and be emo again.'_ He runs off until he gets to a tree. He sits on a limb feeling sorry for himself and sings about being torn between the jungle and the man village.

Shanti somehow heard Mowgli's emoness and ran to investigate. "MOWGLI!"

"SHANTI!" Mowgli falls off the limb and into some vines. Shanti and Ranjan try to help Mowgli out of the vines.

Meanwhile, Baloo was out looking for Mowgli, locating him, Shanti, and Ranjan. Remembering Mowgli's request, he burst out of the bushes, foaming at the mouth.

"RAWR! I'MA EAT YOU!" Baloo tripped over a vine and got tangled up. Shanti screamed and Mowgli tried to calm everyone down. "RAWR!" Shanti punched Baloo in the nose in self-defense. "Ooof! Nice hook."

"If you come anywhere near Ranjan, there'll be more than just a hook!" Shanti threatened.

"Okay, okay, Shanti, calm down." Mowgli said.

"But he's attacking us!" Shanti protested.

"What the hell? Who was the one swinging their fists around?" Baloo asked.

"Well, you scared her!" Mowgli argued.

"Yes, because you told me to!"

"...You planned this?" Shanti asked, shocked and hurt.

"No! Wait, I can explain!" Mowgli protested.

"Don't even bother!" She ran off with Ranjan, crying.

Mowgli sighed and glared at Baloo. "What?" Mowgli just shook his head. "She was just trying to help. Why'd you scare her?"

Baloo just blinked at Mowgli. "Ok, first you tell me to scare her, then you tell me not to scare here? Make up your mind! I can only fit so mu h into mine."

Mowgli sighed again, waved Baloo off, and walked off. "Forget it." He ran in thee direction Shanti and Ranjan went, and found them in some bamboo stalks. "Shanti, please let me explain."

Shanti just stared in horror and fear and pointed to Shere Khan.

_'...Oh, I am so fucked now...' _Mowgli thought. He stood in front of Shanti and Ranjan.

"Now...I shall esxecute my REVENGE!" Shere Khan declared.

_'A keyblade would be so good right now...' _Mowgli thought again. He pushed Shanti forwards. "RUN LIKE HELL!"

The chase begins. The trio lept over a fallen log-

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous..." Mowgli muttered. He ran towards a volcano trench.

"I KEEL YOU, MAN CUB!"

"Ranjan, stay here, I'm gonna help Mowgli, even though it's dangerous."

"Okay!"

Baloo runs into Ranjan. "Hey, kid. You seen Mowgli?"

"Yeah. He's being chased by Shere Khan." Ranjan answered.

"...Okay, you're coming with me." Baloo plops Ranjan on his shoulder and runs after Mowgli, Shanti, and Shere Khan.

"This is SO COOL!" Ranjan exclaimed excitedly.

XXX

Bagheera pads along the limbs of trees muttering to himself. "Un-freaking-believable. I am one of the main characters of the first film, and they fucking ignore me in this one! Well, not anymore!" He sees Baloo running by with Ranjan on his shoulders. "Hey, that's a good idea! I'll follow Baloo and argue with him again!" Bagheera runs next to Baloo. "Hey, Baloo! What's going on?"

"SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!" Baloo screamed.

Bagheera and Ranjan just stared at Baloo. "Um...what?"

Baloo chuckled. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist making another Lion King reference. HAHA! But, seriously- Mowgli's in trouble again."

The trio ran off._ 'Finally! A chance for me to be involved in the action! With Mowgli and Baloo at my side, I'll be unstoppable!' _They stop at the edge of the volcano trench.

"Watch the kid, Baggy. I'll go help Mowgli." Baloo instructed.

_'DAMMIT!'_ Basgheera thought. "Wait, Baloo!"

Baloo turned around. "Hmmm?"

"Don't fake your death this time!"

Baloo saluted Bagheera. "Got it!"

"So...you like...running along branches?" Ranjan asked Bagheera.

"It has it's ups and downs." Bagheera shrugged.

XXX

Baloo quietly snuck around the ruins looking for Mowgli and ran into Shanti.

"Oh, hell no." They said together. "What are you doing here?! I'm here to help Mowgli!"

"...Heh. Guess we're on the same side, then." Baloo said.

"I guess so." Shanti paused. "You know, something tells me I'm gonna be in the same situation like five years from now..."

"What makes you say that?"

Shanti shrugged. "I dunno..."

"Okay. You go that way, I'll cover you."

So Baloo, Shanti, and Mowgli managed to each get behind a gong. Shere Khan headed towards Mowgli's gong, and Baloo distracted Shere Khan by banging on his gong. The trio started a game of Confuse the Tiger! It worked until Shanti's gong broke off.

"Oh, crap on a cracker."

"Ok, Man Cub, it's either you or your girlfriend!" Shere Khan threatened.

Mowgli sighed. "Fine." He runs out and towards the volcano trench. Shanti ran with him. Baloo held Shere Khan off for a bit. Shere Khan chased Mowgli and Shanti to the other edge of the volcano, where they hung off a tiger head statue. The statue breaks, and they fall, but Shanti and Mowgli are rescued by Baloo. Shere Khan, however, fell onto a rock, and the tiger head statue landed on top of him. 'Cause noooooooobody dies in Disney movies.

XX

So, after that display, Bagheera anxd Mowgli have their only scene together in the whole film.

"Hi, Bagheera!"

"Hi, Mowgli!" They hug.

"Let me introduce to you my best f4riend in the village: Shanti." Mowgli smiled. The group saw the adults looking for them.

"Mowgli, you have to make a choice now." Shanti told him. "Either the village or the jungle."

Mowgli looked between Shanti and Baloo. "But...can't I have both?"

"I wish you could." Baloo answered. "But it's either 'Homies over hos' or 'hos over homies'."

Mowgli sighed. He was depressed now. Mowgli hugged Baloo. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." Baloo sighed sadly. "Now...go on. A girl like Shanti only comes around once, maybe twice in a lifetime."

Mowgli smiled and ran after Shanti. "You guys! Wait up!"

"Mowgli!" Shanti exclaimed, shedding a tear. The trio ran to their parents and had a happy reunion with them.

"Mowgli, I'm sorry I got mad. I should've understood that the jungle is a part of who you are." Blackbeard said, smiling.

"Ah, it's okay. Sir...Pop." Mowgli smiled and hugged Blackbeard.

XX

Baloo watched Mowgli run off and sighed again. "Good-bye, my little man cub."

Bagheera walked up besides Baloo. "You know, you can still visit. The village isn't that far from here." Bagheera's eyes widened as he realized what he just said. "Oh my God."

"I have an idea..." Baloo sang. "Sorry, Baggy, but we have time for just ONE MORE CLICHE!"

\"You're impossible!" Bagheera spat. He groaned and closed his eyes.

"Oh, you love me and you know it."

XXX

A few days later, Mowgli, Shanti, and Ranjan sneak off to the jungle. However, Blackbeard and his wife know what they're up to.

The trio went into the jungle to hang out with Baloo and Bagheera, and sang a reprisal of The Bare Necessities.

"You know, Bagheera did a great job raising you." Shanti complemented Mowgli.

"Oh, Bagheera didn't raise me. The wolves did." Mowgli stated.

Shanti stared at Mowgli. "Then why the hell haven't they been mentioned in this film?"

"Beats me."

* * *

**Well, what do you think?**


End file.
